The First Sign that Everybody Always Misses

 Life can get busy. Between work, family, and personal commitments, it often feels like our plates are overflowing. But what happens when "busy" becomes the norm and that full plate starts to weigh us down? Ironically, the first warning sign that you or someone you know might be sinking is the most common: a chronically full plate (Williams 2017).

We often dismiss this as simply adulting.  However, there's a difference between temporary busy seasons and an overloaded lifestyle. Here's why a constantly full plate is a danger sign:

• Exhaustion and Health Issues: Carrying a heavy load for too long can lead to burnout, weakened immune systems, and decreased patience.
• Hiding Problems: Some people fill their schedules to avoid dealing with underlying issues. This "busyness" becomes a shield, masking stress and preventing solutions (Williams,2017).

Recognizing a Sinking Friend

So what can you do?

Reach Out, Not As a Counselor:  Sometimes, people need to know someone cares. Offer to grab lunch or do a casual activity. Your presence can be a lifeline.  You are not there to solve their problems or offer a quick fix. You are there to refute the lie they are telling themselves and that they will soon start to believe that nobody would care about them if they disappeared.    (Williams 2017)

Consider the Seasons of Life: We all go through different phases, each with responsibilities. Understanding these "seasons" can help us empathize with someone's load.

Let's Talk About It.

Take some time to reflect, either alone or with friends. Discuss the seasons of life and how responsibilities shift throughout them. How can we support each other when the demands become overwhelming?

By recognizing the warning signs and helping, we can create a community that lifts each other rather than lets each other sink.

References

Williams, B. (2017, September 19). Warning! Sinking Ship: Helping Those Around Us [Review of Warning! Sinking Ship: Helping Those Around Us]. Https://Learningcloud.infobase.com/5752/Learnit. https://learningcloud.infobase.com/5752/learnit

Ignoring the Lifeguard: When Warnings Go Unheeded

 We didve into the first warning sign of overload: a chronically full plate. But what happens when the red flags keep waving, and we keep pushing on? Here is a second sign that someone may be drowning.

People in danger of burnout often brush off concerned friends with jokes about being "too busy to rest."  These quips frequently mask a deeper issue, a feeling of worthlessness or obligation that keeps them chained to their workload (Williams 2017).

How to  Help Someone Who Won't Listen

So, how do you help someone who seems determined to stay underwater (Williams 2017):

• Don't Give Up After One Dive: Don't be discouraged if your initial concerns are met with humor. Try a more indirect approach. Invite them to a social event. Withdrawal is a common sign of despair.
  
• A Personal Touch is Worth a Thousand Emails: Sending a card or funny comic shows you care more than a generic inspirational email. A drowning person needs a lifeline, not a mass message. 
• Remember, those sinking often fear no one will notice if they disappear. 

References

Williams, B. (2017, September 19). Warning! Sinking Ship: Helping Those Around Us [Review of Warning! Sinking Ship: Helping Those Around Us].Https://Learningcloud.infobase.com/5752/Learnit.https://learningcloud.infobase.com/5752/learnit

Selective Accountability: Throwing Yourself a Leaky Life Raft

People who have been masking their problems for a long time have become experts at creating an illusion of health. On the outside, this tactic appears to push others away while presenting a facade of seeking help. However, it is a controlled risk of testing the waters of trust (Williams 2017).

This is sign number 3 that someone is sinking, and here's how it works (Williams 2017):

1. Choosing the "yes-man" partner: They'll pick someone they perceive as weaker or less informed about their situation. 
2. This friend might be a coworker who doesn't know the full extent of their struggles or someone they outrank who won't challenge them.
3. Lies and half-truths: They might lie to this accountability partner because they know they can get away with it. They might lie to themselves, believing this person won't see through their facade.
4. Keeping their distance: They want to maintain some control and avoid actual vulnerability. They'll stay close enough to keep up the appearance of trying but not close enough for an actual intervention.

Why is Selective Accountability Dangerous?

It's a self-defeating attempt at getting help. Proper accountability requires honesty and challenge. Selective accountability provides neither. It allows the person to keep sinking while pretending to tread water.

What Can You Do?

• 
  Be honest about your limits: If someone asks you to be their accountability partner but you do not have the relationship or experience to challenge them, be honest. Help them find someone who can provide the support they need.
• Don't be afraid to ask questions: If a friend asks for your help, don't hesitate to ask questions or offer honest observations.
• Hold them to their request: If they ask for accountability, hold them to it. Don't let them deflect or brush off your concerns. 
• Once they have opened the door for you to help, you don't need to keep asking for their permission. Walk through the door firmly yet respectfully. (Williams 2017)
• Remember, true friends challenge each other. By being a solid and honest voice, you can help them break from the cycle of selective accountability and find the real help they need.

References

Williams, B. (2017, September 19). Warning! Sinking Ship: Helping Those Around Us [Review of Warning! Sinking Ship: Helping Those Around Us].Https://Learningcloud.infobase.com/5752/Learnit.https://learningcloud.infobase.com/5752/learnit