A Night on the Streets: A Homeless-ish Experience

 Saturday, August 17, 2024

Last night, I found myself sleeping on the concrete patio of a church alley. My two companions, or "posse" as I called them, were just across the way in the grass. It wasn't the most comfortable resting place but surprisingly safe. Cars passed by occasionally, and a few other homeless folks wandered through without incident.

Saturday was a quiet day, but it was tough on me psychologically. Addiction is a major challenge for homeless people, and it can be difficult to stay clean on the streets. I've had my fair share of struggles with substance abuse, but I'm trying to stay strong. Avoiding drugs and alcohol is crucial, not just for personal well-being, but also to avoid dangerous situations.

Many places that serve free meals were closed for the weekend, but I'm grateful for the organizations that provide these services. They're doing incredible work, and I'm amazed by their dedication. The volunteers put up with a lot, from verbal abuse to long hours.

I had to work a night shift, so I had to figure out how to get clean. I ended up taking a quick wash in a hospital bathroom before my shift. It wasn't ideal, but it was better than nothing.

As I sat in the nursing lounge, trying to rest before my shift, I couldn't help but think about the challenges I was facing. The constant fear of not having enough food, the uncertainty of where would sleep, and the constant struggle to stay clean were all weighing heavily on me. 

Loneliness was also a significant factor. Being homeless can be isolating, and it can be difficult to connect with others. I missed having a stable place to call home and the comfort of familiar surroundings.

Despite the difficulties, I was determined to persevere. I knew that giving up wasn't an option. With each passing day, I was learning more about survival on the streets and developing a stronger sense of resilience.

I was also beginning to appreciate the small things in life that I had taken for granted. A warm meal, a comfortable bed, and a sense of security were all things that I had once taken for granted. Now, I realized how precious these things were. 

The experience of being homeless has also taught me the importance of human connection. The kindness and compassion that I have encountered from strangers have been a source of strength and hope. I have learned that even in the darkest of times, there is always someone willing to help.

I'm still learning the ropes of being homeless, but I'm determined to make it through. I'll share more about my experiences in future posts. 

Additional Thoughts

• The importance of community: Being homeless can be isolating, but it's important to find a community of people who understand what you're going through.
• The value of hope: Even in the darkest of times, it's important to hold onto hope. Hope can give you the strength to keep going, even when things seem impossible.
• The importance of self-care: Taking care of yourself is essential when you're homeless. This includes eating healthy food, getting enough sleep, and staying active. 
• The power of gratitude: practicing gratitude can help you to focus on the positive things in your life, even when things are tough. 

This post was pretty boring but my next ones will be more exciting.  I will add that my morale was pretty low Sat and I was also dealing with the self-doubt voices that plagued my mind with phrases like You’ll never make it. You're going to start using again and show up to work fucked up and get your contract terminated. And then of course there is the frequent phrase that you are not even physically strong enough to make it through the sweltering heat and physical exhaustion of constantly moving. Another one kept focusing in on my previous addiction and how I knew that meth was everywhere and accessible. All of these voices and phrases turned out to be wrong in the end. And spoiler alert this whole experience was just what I needed. I was getting weak in my fight with the addiction and this experience broke me down a little It was necessary for the reset to fuel my victory. Anyway take care and until I post again – take care of yourself. 

Day One: Unexpected Journey

I never thought I’d be writing this. On the night of August 15th, 2024, my world imploded. The money I’d scraped together to escape a toxic situation and start anew had vanished. A week of work, and the promise of daily pay, became an unattainable dream. Without my old phone number, access to that money was weeks away. Panic set in. Motel rent, bus fares, and Lyft rides had devoured my last dollars. A generous friend had already loaned me $200. The stark reality of homelessness loomed, a week away. Tears fell as I faced the terrifying unknown. But then, something unexpected happened. A flicker of determination ignited. I refused to be a victim. I started planning, researching, and preparing. Armed with an older Android, Google Maps, and a relentless spirit, I faced the day with a newfound sense of purpose. 

The morning was a blur of packing and farewells. The bus ride to the city center was a sweaty ordeal, filled with fear and uncertainty. Yet, I followed my plan, arriving at the first homeless shelter. Inside, I found air conditioning, food, water, and a sense of relief. As the day wore on, I explored the city, meeting others who shared my plight. There was a camaraderie, a sense of community that surprised me. And amidst the struggle, I discovered an unexpected source of support: religious organizations. I’ve never been particularly religious, but the kindness and compassion I witnessed from these groups was overwhelming. They provided food, water, and a safe place to rest. Their actions spoke volumes about their faith, and I found myself developing a newfound respect for their work. As the sun began to set, I found a safe spot to sleep. Exhausted but determined, I drifted off, filled with a strange sense of peace. I had survived the first day. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'll face it with courage and resilience. I’ve learned that even in the darkest of times, there is hope, strength, and a surprising amount of human kindness.

What Would You Keep? A Journey of Loss and Discovery

Have you ever considered the possessions you'd cling to in sudden upheaval? This thought experiment invites you to confront the fragility of material things and the enduring power of what truly matters.

Imagine a world turned upside down. You must flee your home, grasping only what you can carry. The challenge? Limiting yourself to just three items. These could be tangible objects, digital treasures, or even abstract concepts. Take a moment to envision your choices.

Now, a cruel twist of fate: one item must be left behind. Which one? The decision is yours to make. As you relinquish this possession, explore the emotions that arise. What does this item symbolize? How does it contribute to your sense of self?

The journey continues, fraught with adversity. You find refuge, lose it, and face the elements alone. A storm rages, claiming one of your remaining items. The final blow comes in the form of theft, leaving you with nothing.

This exercise is a stark portrayal of life's unpredictability. It challenges us to question our priorities and reevaluate what truly enriches our lives. Material possessions, while comforting, are ultimately impermanent. Perhaps it's time to invest in experiences, relationships, and personal growth – elements that withstand the test of time.

As you reflect on this thought experiment, consider the items you chose and the emotions they evoked. Did you find it difficult to let go? What did this exercise reveal about your values and priorities? Sharing your insights can spark meaningful conversations and deepen your understanding of what truly matters.

Remember, while possessions can bring joy, it's the intangible aspects of life that create lasting fulfillment. By confronting the possibility of loss, we gain a profound appreciation for the richness that exists beyond the material world.

 References

https://www.humankindwichita.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/Sleep-Out-ICTToolkit.pdf

The High Priestess: A Dive into the Subconscious

The High Priestess, the second card of the Major Arcana, is often shrouded in mystery and intrigue. This enigmatic figure represents a gateway to the subconscious mind, intuition, and the divine feminine. But what does this mean psychologically? Let's delve deeper.

The Psychological Significance

Intuition and Inner Wisdom: At its core, the High Priestess symbolizes the power of intuition. It's a call to trust your gut feelings, to listen to the quiet voice within that often knows things the conscious mind can't fathom. This card encourages you to tap into your inner wisdom, to connect with your deeper self.

The Subconscious Mind: The High Priestess is often associated with the subconscious, that vast, unexplored ocean of our psyche. It suggests exploring your dreams, memories, and repressed emotions. There might be valuable insights hidden beneath the surface waiting to be discovered.

The Divine Feminine: While not exclusive to women, the High Priestess embodies the divine feminine energy. This energy is associated with receptivity, intuition, nurturing, and creativity. It's about embracing the softer, more intuitive aspects of yourself.

Balance and Patience: The High Priestess often appears when you're at a crossroads or facing a significant decision. It's a reminder to pause, reflect, and trust your inner guidance. This card encourages patience and a willingness to wait for the right answer.

When the High Priestess Appears in Your Life

If you've drawn the High Priestess in a tarot reading, it might be a sign that:

• You're being called to trust your intuition more.
• You need to spend more time alone and in quiet reflection.
• There's a need to balance your masculine and feminine energies.
• You're on the cusp of a spiritual awakening or a deeper understanding of yourself.

Remember: The High Priestess is not about being passive or indecisive. It's about gathering information from within before taking action. It's about tapping into a deeper well of wisdom and knowledge within you.

HIV Treatment Adherence Among Crystal Meth-Using gbMSM: The Impact of Stigma and Substance Use

Crystal meth use and HIV are serious public health concerns, particularly among gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men (gbMSM). This blog post explores a study that examined factors associated with non-adherence to HIV treatment among gbMSM who use crystal meth.

The study found that HIV-related stigma is a significant barrier to treatment adherence. Additionally, substance use, particularly cocaine, was associated with non-adherence. Conversely, educational attainment and health insurance were protective factors.

This blog post summarizes the key findings of the study and highlights the importance of addressing stigma and substance use to improve HIV treatment outcomes among gbMSM who use crystal meth.

Sample and Demographics

The study involved a sample of 89 gbMSM who had used crystal meth within the past 3 months. The median age of the participants was 34 years old, and a majority reported high levels of education, employment, and health insurance coverage.

HIV Status and Treatment Adherence

Most participants in the study were living with HIV and reported adhering to their HIV treatment regimen. However, factors such as lower educational attainment and lack of health insurance were associated with non-adherence.

HIV-Related Stigma

Participants who reported non-adherence to treatment also indicated experiencing higher levels of total, enacted, internalized, and anticipated HIV-related stigma. This suggests that stigma can be a significant barrier to effective HIV treatment.

Substance Use and Sexual Behavior

The study found high rates of condomless sex among participants, particularly with other people living with HIV (PLWHIV). Crystal meth use was prevalent, and some participants reported exchanging sex for the drug. Additionally, cocaine use was more common among participants with non-adherence.

Factors Associated with Non-Adherence

Several factors were associated with non-adherence to HIV treatment in the study. These included (Jiménez-Rivagorza et al, 2023):

1. HIV-related stigma
2. Progression of HIV to AIDS
3. Exchanging crystal meth for sex
4. Higher rates of cocaine use

On the other hand, factors such as having health insurance and higher educational attainment were found to be protective against non-adherence.

Limitations of the Study

It is important to acknowledge some limitations of the study. The data relied on self-reporting by participants, which can be prone to bias. Additionally, the study employed non-probabilistic sampling, which may limit the generalizability of the findings to the wider gbMSM population. Finally, the relatively small sample size is another factor to consider. (Jiménez-Rivagorza et al, 2023)

Conclusion

Jiménez-Rivagorza and colleagues (2023) state that the study highlights the significant role of HIV-related stigma as a barrier to treatment adherence among gbMSM who use crystal meth:

• It also emphasizes the importance of educational attainment and health ins
  
  
  
  
  urance as protective factors. Substance use, particularly cocaine, was found to be associated with non-adherence.
• Further research is needed to gain a deeper understanding of the complex interplay between these factors. 
• By addressing stigma and substance use challenges, healthcare providers can work towards improving HIV treatment outcomes for gbMSM who use crystal meth

References

• Jiménez-Rivagorza, Leonardo & Orozco, Ricardo & Medina-Mora, Maria & Rafful, Claudia. (2024). HIV-Related Stigma and Treatment Adherence Among Gay, Bisexual, and Other Men Who Have Sex with Men Who Use Crystal Meth in the Metropolitan Area of Mexico City. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 53. 1-14. 10.1007/s10508-024-02816-6. 

The Art of Deception: A Psychological Exploration

"I'm no stranger to deception, I've lied and been lied to." (Madonna). This simple statement encapsulates a complex human reality. Deception, a universal experience, weaves intricate patterns into the fabric of our social interactions. It’s a multifaceted phenomenon, driven by a myriad of psychological, emotional, and situational factors.

The Psychology Behind the Lie

Why do we resort to deception? The motivations are diverse and often intertwined. Self-preservation is a primary driver, as individuals may lie to protect their reputation, avoid punishment, or shield themselves from vulnerability. To maintain social harmony, we often employ "white lies," small fabrications intended to spare others' feelings or avoid conflict. However, deception can also stem from deeper psychological issues such as low self-esteem, fear of rejection, or a distorted sense of reality.

Being on the receiving end of deception can be equally damaging. Betrayal of trust can erode self-confidence, leaving individuals feeling isolated and questioning their judgment. It can create a hypervigilant state, where the world is viewed through a lens of suspicion, making it difficult to form genuine connections.

Deception in Relationships: A Double-Edged Sword

The impact of deception on relationships is profound. Lies, even seemingly innocuous ones, can erode trust, the cornerstone of any meaningful connection. When trust is broken, communication becomes strained, and emotional intimacy can wither. Repairing damaged trust is a challenging process that requires open communication, empathy, and a genuine commitment to rebuilding the relationship.

Yet, it's crucial to remember that humans are fallible. Everyone makes mistakes, and occasional lapses in honesty do not necessarily define a person. Forgiveness and understanding are essential for navigating the complexities of interpersonal relationships.

Authenticity in a Deceptive World

In an era marked by the prevalence of misinformation and superficiality, authenticity has become a rare and valuable commodity. Being true to oneself, even in the face of adversity, is a cornerstone of psychological well-being. It fosters genuine connections, builds self-esteem, and contributes to a sense of purpose. Understanding the psychology of deception can equip us with the tools to navigate its complexities. By developing emotional intelligence, practicing open communication, and cultivating empathy, we can build stronger, more resilient relationships. 

What are your thoughts on the role of deception in our lives? How has it impacted your relationships? Share your experiences and perspectives in the comments below.

The Sun Tarot Card: A Beacon of Psychological Light

The Sun tarot card is a radiant emblem of joy, optimism, and fulfillment. Its appearance in a reading often signals a period of warmth, happiness, and success. However, delving deeper, the Sun carries profound psychological implications.

A Mirror to the Soul

The Sun often acts as a reflective surface to our inner world. The child depicted on the card represents our pure, untouched essence, inviting us to reconnect with our inner child, to rediscover wonder, spontaneity, and the unfiltered joy of being. This reconnection can be a powerful catalyst for healing and personal growth.

Moreover, the naked child symbolizes unashamed authenticity. The Sun encourages us to embrace our true selves without the constraints of fear or judgment. It's a call to shed societal expectations and step into our genuine power.

Just as the physical sun provides life-giving energy, the tarot Sun represents vitality and energy within us. Its appearance often signifies a period of heightened creativity, enthusiasm, and a zest for life. It's a time to embrace new opportunities and experiences with open arms.

Confidence and optimism are also key themes associated with the Sun. Its bright light symbolizes a belief in one's abilities, a positive outlook, and the courage to pursue dreams. This card can be a potent reminder of our inner strength and resilience.

Furthermore, the Sun often appears as a culmination of personal growth and transformation. It signifies the integration of different aspects of the self into a harmonious whole. After periods of shadow work or challenges, the Sun's emergence can be seen as a victory, a symbol of wholeness and balance.

A Call to Action

When the Sun graces your reading, it's an invitation to embrace joy wholeheartedly. Allow yourself to experience the pure, unadulterated happiness that life offers. Reconnect with your inner child, rediscovering your sense of wonder and playfulness.

Cultivate self-love and appreciation for your unique qualities. Embrace the vitality within you by engaging in activities that energize and inspire. And finally, let your inner light shine by radiating positivity to those around you.

The Sun tarot card is more than just a pretty picture; it's a profound psychological symbol with the power to illuminate our inner world. By understanding its message, we can harness its energy to create a brighter, more fulfilling life.